Is It Weird to Use Music to Make Yourself Cry?

Turns out there are actual theories behind it.

We all need a good cry. I’ve recently come to terms with the fact that it’s completely acceptable to have an emotional meltdown. It’s a perfectly healthy reaction to situations of grief, happiness, hopelessness or pain.

I grew up earning a reputation within the family as the “whip-myself-with-wet-nettles” type (half serious, half joke). I had always presumed I was over-indulging myself whenever I was sad, by listening to music that makes me wallow in self-pity for much longer than necessary.

Naturally, I came to view it as a negative thing. But as I’m growing older, I’m starting to realise this process might not be as negative as I once thought.

In fact, I’m damn sure that wallowing can actually be a good thing.

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As we move into week 11 of hard lockdown in Melbourne (total weeks in lockdown this year = 22), I’ve had a lot of time at home to reflect on these mental processes. Being stuck in the apartment has, of course, unearthed some pretty ugly moments that can only be described as uncontrollable releases of every emotion possible, coupled with feelings of utter helplessness with the world.

Not ideal.

When I struggle to find the right words to express myself, I take myself away on a quiet walk with music. A perfectly normal thing to do. In doing so, I have decided that this state of sadness is manageable and acceptable if you can somehow guide it, and steer the experience in a positive direction.

I’ve been turning more frequently to melancholic music to give me a gentle nudge in the right direction, and help kick-start an emotional release. Fearing that I was dangerously close to just being miserable, I decided to check if deliberately listening to sad music to make myself cry was acceptable behaviour.

Turns out, it is! Who knew!

Much to my relief, there have been loads of studies into the concept of “pleasurable sadness”. The study of “pleasurable sadness” explores how different people enjoy sad art for different reasons.

In 2011 one researcher suggested that music-induced sadness is disconnected from the usual displeasure experienced in sadness, and proposes that the “pleasure sometimes experienced while listening to sad music might be related to the adaptive, consoling physiological responses (like the release of prolactin) triggered by a sad affective state”.

Another explanation for the appeal of melancholy art was examined in a 2011 study that took its title from the Beatles song “Let it Be.” The study explored the process of accepting our negative emotions, instead of trying to ignore or suppress them - “Somewhat paradoxically, avoiding negative emotional experiences may be associated with negative outcomes while accepting negative emotional experiences may be associated with positive outcomes,” the authors of the study wrote. I’ll take that theory, thanks.

The research supports the theory that for some of us, watching sad films or listening to sad music acts as a form of therapeutic acceptance. The study says:

“the acceptance is not just a trait with emotional correlates, but might be more akin to a coping process that, when activated in situations in which it is useful, helps individuals adjust.”

My favourite explanation was from a professor in Musical Cognition at Durham (how cool a title is that?). Eerola suggests that there is arguably a deeper solace found in sad songs than talking with a well-meaning friend or family member. He writes:

“The fact that the music or art is non-interactive is actually an advantage in situations of loss and sadness since there is no judgement, no probing. An artwork or song that a person can relate to can provide comfort without the baggage of social interaction with another human being.”

I’d definitely rather not be probed when having a “moment”, and definitely don’t need any extra baggage. I’m happy to start calling it a personal, cathartic experience, and can say with confidence that I’m not ashamed. Cry me a river, baby.

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Here are a few goodies (some are cliché, I know) but trust me when they can be very, very effective.

1) Bon Iver: re:stacks

2) Daughter: Landfill

3) The National: Slow Show

4) Mogwai: I’m Jim Morrison, I’m dead.

5) Ben Howard: a Boat to an Island on the Wall

6) Foals: Late Night

7) Amber Run: I Found

8) Explosions in the Sky: So Long, Lonesome

9) Bon Iver: Holocene

10) Enter Shikari: Adieu